Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
