i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
