So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
