I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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