I am puke
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
