She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
