How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
