I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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