Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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