I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
