I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
