brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
