I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
