Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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