I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
