im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
