Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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