I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
