On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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