Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
