kristin has been a bad kristin
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
