My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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