You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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