Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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