Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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