Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
