Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
