So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
