Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
