omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
