proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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