My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the condom got lost in my hair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i now understand why vodka
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
