anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
