Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
