Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
