No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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