Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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