Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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