I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
