I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
