When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
me + whiskey = a bad person
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
