I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
