you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So squirting runs in the family.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
