he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
