Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
