Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
