Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
