I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
