so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
