Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
