We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
